October 17 is International Pronouns Day, a whole day devoted to a part of speech that comes with its own website and a dedicated hashtag, #PronounsDay. Since it’s the first-ever pronouns day, many people are not sure how to celebrate, and so the organizers offer some suggested activities: tell people your pronouns; ask people their pronouns; have a pronoun party.
What you do at a pronoun party is up to you, but since the goal of International Pronouns Day is “to make asking, sharing, and respecting personal pronouns commonplace,” you could all sit around and make buttons asking, “What’s your pronoun?” or announcing, “My pronouns are ze, hir, hirs.” Or “they.” Or even “he” and “she.” Because—if you were wondering what International Pronouns Day is all about—there’s a pronoun for everyone: there are the gendered pronouns he and she. And there are invented gender-neutral or nonbinary pronouns, like E or ze or heer—about 250 have been coined in the last 230 years. And there’s singular they, which has been everyone’s pronoun since the fourteenth century.
There are some people who reject pronouns: don’t use a pronoun for me, they say, just use my name. Not to worry, though, the people who don’t use pronouns are still included in International Pronouns Day. They just don’t have to make buttons or answer any questions.
It used to be that pronouns were simple. The choices were limited to he or she. If gender was unknown or irrelevant, you could use generic he, approved by grammarians for anyone who uses pronouns. But generic he was often code for ‘no women allowed,’ -- "Sure," men (it was always men) would say, "he is generic, just not in this case," and that's why we needed the truly neutral singular they.
They remains the people’s choice. Of course, using a plural pronoun for a singular noun drives the grammarians nuts. But that can’t be all bad. And remember, you is a plural pronoun that we use as if it were a singular. So why not they?
There are many gender-neutral and nonbinary pronoun options. Generic he has gone wherever dead pronouns go, but singular they is stronger than ever, plus there’s ze and hir and ip and thon and 250 others, all coined in the past 230 years.
There are so many pronouns they need to have their own #PronounsDay, along with a FAQ explaining what to do in the event that “someone makes a mistake and mispronouns someone else.” You can correct them. Or, if you are the mispronouner, you can apologize and vow to do better next time. Because pronouns are grammar, and everybody wants good grammar, even people who use pronoun as a verb.
But using the wrong pronoun is not always just a matter of going to a party and being polite to everybody there. Using the right pronoun can be a matter of survival. In her 1993 novel, Stone Bitch Blues, Leslie Feinberg has the character Jess tell a friend, “You can call me whatever you want, just try to remember the right pronoun in a public place. It could get real ugly.”
Jess was right, it does get ugly. Trans prisoners, often the target of severe physical abuse, have sued to have their gender identity recognized by their jailers, including their right to physical safety and the right to be referred to by the correct pronoun. After being taunted and “mispronouned” by unapologetic managers and co-workers, employees who are not driven from their jobs may fight back in court, and sometimes they win. A civilian employee sued the U. S. Army for creating a hostile work environment and won the right to wear gender-appropriate clothes, hairstyles, and the right to be referred to by their correct pronoun. And after an incident where a self-described gender-neutral student was sent home for wearing a dress to their Tallahassee school, the city’s schools changed the dress code and adopted a policy guaranteeing students’ right to be referred to by pronouns that reflect their gender identity. But that partial victory was not extended to staff, and last year a trans teacher in Tallahassee lost their job for asking their fifth-grade students to use singular they and the nonbinary honorific Mx.
Finally, in the kind of incident you don't want at your International Pronouns Day party, this week someone called the cops on a mispronouner. Graham Linehan, the well-known writer of Father Ted, The IT Crowd, and Black Books, was given an antiharassment warning by U. K. police for referring to trans activist Stephanie Hayden as “he” instead of “she” in a tweetstorm. Using the wrong pronoun is not illegal in England, and despite its terms-of-use plea to "play nice," Twitter thrives on hate speech. But English law forbids unwanted conduct (including speech) related to sex, sexual orientation, or gender reassignment, if that conduct is intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating, or otherwise offensive. And using the wrong pronoun—mispronouning, if you will—particularly intentional mispronouning on more than one occasion, may in some instances constitute harassment.
But before you go all First Amendment over what appears to be a feud between two outspoken public figures whose disagreements over gender politics go way beyond pronouns and who are now threatening to sue one another, remember that the purpose of antiharassment law is not to micromanage anyone’s word choice or to monitor private interactions. It is, rather, to prevent discrimination in housing, employment, places of business, and government services like health, education, and policing.
In my next post, I'll introduce you to some of the gender-neutral pronouns that made waves in the past couple of centuries. For now, I'll leave you with this: Pronouns, a part of speech that probably made your eyes glaze over in grammar class, are now highly-contested, high-profile symbols in the ongoing struggle for human rights. Maybe not worth a pronoun party. Certainly worth a #PronounsDay.
